No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
