the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
