True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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