You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Shame is for Republicans.
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