i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
