1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
