ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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