He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize