I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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