Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
