I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
