Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
