guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
