He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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