we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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