are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
