There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
