It's Friday. Sex?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
