does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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