what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We need to get me chipped asap
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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