Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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