I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
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What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
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How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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