Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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