Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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