I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
