The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
