yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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