The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
