either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.