I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
