He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
