i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
