it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
