ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
