i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
