No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
