I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
