Your face is a jimmy john
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
