I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
