is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
