Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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