Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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