You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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