If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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