So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
