Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
