All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
