If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
