I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
