He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
