I'm drive I can fine osifer
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
