Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize