When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
