so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
