We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
