Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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