awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize