Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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