its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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