There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
