Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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