Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Pants 0. Shit 1.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My ass is underappreciated
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
