Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
