Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
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I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
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Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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