my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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