No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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