I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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