I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
