my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
