i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
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bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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