speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
