Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
