Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
