sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
