So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You did what with his pubic hair?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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