her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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