So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
