I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
