can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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