i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
