Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize